Way to holiness; weg naar heiligheid!

Hi all,
I pray that you’re all doing well! Life has been good here at Covecrest. The sun is back out again after some heavy rain and we’re expecting over 250 retreatants this weekend! We are currently reading ‘Story of A Soul’ by St. Therese and diving into the wisdom she has shared with the world. There’s a bunch of stuff I’d like to share with you all.

In spiritual childhood is the secret of sanctity for all the faithful
~ Pope Benedict XV in 1921 referring to St. Therese’s practice of virtue

St. Therese emphasizes the importance of TRUST and ABSOLUTE SURRENDER to Christ Jesus in everything. I always thought of St. Therese as the somewhat fruity, syrupy, out of touch with reality saint for the overly pious and only appealing to women who related to that. But I was wrong. I judged without having any true knowledge of her. Reading ‘Story of A Soul’ has revealed many amazing truths to me. Michelle Benzinger pointed out that ‘the difference between saints and sinners is that when saints sin and fall down, they get back up; while sinners fall down and stay there’. God is a both/and God, NOT an and/or God. God is bigger! Often I put Him into a box and limit His reality by doing so. What does it mean to ‘be little’ as St. Therese proposes? Being little = knowing who you are in God. We are broken people in a broken world, but when we allow God to redeem our weaknesses and struggles, we overcome. “He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). We have to remember that God has chosen US to reveal His glory! Our posture needs to be one of receptivity; are we allowing God to work through us? Do we believe that He can?  Because it is GOD who will work in us, the H. Spirit that will spreak through us! “I overcome by the blood of Jesus and the word of my testimony!” (Rev. 12:11).

Are we confident in God? We of little faith, we need to pray for an increase in faith daily! It is confidence which will work all miracles! We need to ask God to reveal to us how big He is! St. Therese tells us we need to make the H. Spirit the director of our entire life. What witholds us to fully surrender to Christ? To KNOW and BELIEVE that EVERYTHING is possible in God who strengthens us? Often is is fear. Fear that suffocates us, that allows doubt to creep in. But “perfect love will cast out all fear!” (1 John 4:18). How exciting it is that God is just going to shower His awesomeness upon us who believe! With expectant faith we live and PRAY! :)

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H. Therese geeft ons 3 manieren om te groeien in heiligheid, 3 manieren om met onze gedachten en emoties om te gaan:

1. Volharding in gebed:
Gebed is voornamelijk ‘beschikbaar’ zijn voor een liefdevolle God in de gewone belevenissen van het dagelijkse leven. Korte gebedjes door de dag heen helpen ons om dicht bij Hem te blijven.

2. Breng elke emotie en alle gevoelens in het licht der geloof:
We dienen de gewoonte te krijgen elk gevoel en elke emotie met God te delen, en niet als eerste met andere mensen. H. Therese was er zeker van dat hoe ze zich ook voelde, ze was altijd in de liefdevolle omarming van de Vader. Deze zekerheid gaf haar de kracht haar grootste zwakheden en moeilijkheden aan te kunnen zonder defensief te worden. God houdt van ons, hoe we ons ook voelen. H. Therese dankte God voor het werk van de H. Geest in haar, de bron van haar succes op dit gebied.

3. Sta niet toe dat je door je gevoelens en emoties andere mensen als vijanden gaat zien:
Breng pijnlijke en moeilijke gevoelens en emoties bij God voor genezing. Het zijn onze verwachtingen en emoties die voor vijanden zorgen. Het is van belang vijandige gevoelens en emoties niet te koesteren en er niet vanuit te reageren of ze te rechtvaardigen.

“Want als ik zwak ben, dan ben ik sterk” (2 Kor. 12:10). Zwak zijn betekent niet dat we een deurmat zijn, dat we niets kunnen, maar dat we onze menselijke zwakte aan God geven zodat Hij ons kan verlossen en we door onze zwakheden heen sterk kunnen worden! Kind zijn in ons geloof betekent niet naief zijn, maar vol vertrouwen zoals een baby zijn/haar ouders volledig vertrouwd, zo dienen wij in God te vertrouwen! Het is een proces, maar de groei erna toe brengt zoveel genade met zich mee! Het zal niet gemakkelijk zijn, maar zeker de moeite waard!

Gebed gevraagd voor de Mexico missie in december (7-16). Daarnaast heb ik last van mijn verstandkies linksonder. Deze heb ik 2 jaar geleden weg laten halen, maar ik heb het idee dat ze misschien niet alles hebben weggehaald toen… Dank voor jullie gebed als gebedspartners!!

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Week 10

My brothers and sisters in Christ,

Glory to God, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End!

The Lord has recently been speaking to my heart about His consistency in our lives.  Last week, we were assigned to write spiritual autobiographies of our lives written through the Lord’s perspective.  I just finished mine and it was an intense process. We were also told that we were going to have to share our stories within our community (talk about a rush of major anxiety!!!!) -a hard task for an introverted person like me. However, the fruit of this assignment is that the Lord is showing me that He is ever present and will always be with me.  It doesn’t matter where we’ve been or how we’ve been hurt, the Lord will always be the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the God of  unending love,  peace,  and mercy.  And you know what?  This does not apply solely to my life…it applies to each of us.  Trust and know that God is with you, no matter what you are going through…joys and sorrows, He is  with  you and He loves you.  I encourage you to soak in this revelation and please pray that  I do too :)

Love you all!

Pam :)

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Week 9

God is HERE and HE speaks…all we have to do is listen…

Hello my brothers and sisters in Christ!

First, thank you to all of you who continue to pray and support me.  God is beautiful and I praise Him for the gift of YOU!

Secondly, I must give a pat on the back to God-He is rockin’ awesome! Recently I was at Mass and was praying for a friend who had just committed suicide.  During the consecration, particularly at the elevation of the Eucharist, the Lord put it in my heart that I had to pray for women who have had abortions.  I suddenly felt anxiety in my heart and knew that I had to pray. After Mass, I was on my way to complete a missionary task and was confronted with a women who asked me to pray with her. She shared her life-story with me and explained how she was severely suffering emotionally from an abortion she had. She explained that she recently had thoughts about ending her life because she was in such a dark place.  The  Lord entered the conversation through prayer.  She went on to ask me how I was doing and I  explained that  I was  struggling due to the loss of a friend who recently committed suicide. It seemed that this spoke into her life as she was able to share more with me and even prayed over me!.  In turn, God brought peace to both of our souls.  God worked peace through two restless situations…isn’t HE awesome? And, isn’t it even cooler that He revealed to me (an incredible sinner) during Holy Communion that I had to pray for post-abortive women??!!! God is showing me that there is soooo much more fruit in life when we listen to Him- Alleluia and glory to God!

May the peace of Christ be with each of your spirits…and remember, I love you too!

Pam :)

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Joy!

Every other Wednesday the students at St. Timothy Catholic School attend morning mass. Each mass, a different grade is in charge of helping lead the mass. I walked into the church yesterday morning, completely forgetting that it was a Wednesday and that the children would be there. When I entered into the church and had this realization, I was so completely filled with joy. How can you not be joyful when you get to experience a bunch of first graders leading the congregation in song, as they stand in front of microphones singing and doing hand motions? And how can you not be filled with joy listening to them read the Word of God? They are SOO cute! I cannot even even begin to express how I was so filled with joy; I was almost brought to tears!

My morning was just so joyful and blessed, being able to celebrate the mass with all of the students. And as I was preparing to receive communion, something hit me: the delight and joy that I was feeling upon witnessing these kids participate in mass is the way that the Father delights in me and finds joy in me, as one of His children. That thought made me even more joyful, but I know that His joy and delight in me is so much greater than I can even comprehend.

Then in formation yesterday, guess what the topic was? JOY! God is so perfect in His timing! We have been talking about how joy and happiness are not the same thing. Joy is not just equivalent to our human emotion. It is so much greater than that. When we read The Return of the Prodigal Son, I really related to a part when Nouwen said that there was a time when he felt that being joyful had to mean that everything is well. If you were joyful, then that has to show that everything is perfect. The world is never going to be without imperfection. Our lives are never going to be perfect, but that is no reason to not be joyful. I don’t mean always having this super happy fake attitude, because we have to be authentic. I simply mean that we have to be filled with the joy of having God in our lives. When I was talking to a priest last weekend about joy, he said that joy is not a gift from God. Joy is a fruit of recognizing God in your life. Joy comes when you are able to recognize God, both in the happy and sad moments.

I find it so easy to see Christ in children. In their innocence and in their joy, it is easy for me to see the Lord. So yesterday, as I recognized Him in them, I was filled with overwhelming joy. It wasn’t just that I was in a good mood, although I was. Literally, my heart felt joyful. In fact, I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. Some people may think I’m a little crazy at how excited I get when I see children, but I was so filled with joy!

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Everything for Heaven!

The other day in Morning Prayer a line from the reading stuck out to me it was from Romans 13 it said:

It is now the hour for you to wake from sleep, for our salvation is closer then when we first accepted the faith. Let us cast off deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us live honorably as in daylight; not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual excess and lust, not in quarreling and jealousy. Rather, put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the desires of the flesh”

When I was first going to write this blog I was only going to put this first sentence but I really think the whole passage is amazing! But the first sentence in particular really stuck out to me. It was such a good reminder to me that I really need to wake up!!! I need to make sure all my decisions and actions are for the Lord and pointing me towards salvation. If I’m wasting my time doing things that are not going to get me or any one around me closer to heaven then honestly what is the point in doing them? Think about it…. everything we do should be going focused towards salvation because that should be our goal and ahhhhh the crazy party of God’s love that’s going to be taking place!!!!

This also instilled in me a desire to be living each day as though it were my last day and seeking to live it to the fullest. Loving to the fullest, serving to the fullest and giving all I have to God and all those around me to the fullest because we are not promised tomorrow. I pray that I can look back at the end of each day and know that I tried my best to work towards heaven and not that I was perfect because God doesn’t expect us to be perfect., He just expects us to TRY and give it our best. He want our faithfulness!!

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Eagerness – I will!

Last week, some of us went to go visit a retirement home as part of our local outreach. We sat in the lobby with two of their residents for probably about an hour, and then prayed with them before we left. There was a moment before we left, where one of the ladies, Katie, put her head against Erik’s chest to “listen to his heart”. It was the sweetest thing because she looked just as if she was sleeping against his chest, so peacefully for at least ten or twenty seconds. When she was done “listening”, she said, “It says, ‘I will, I will, I will!’” For some reason that moment just struck me, and I haven’t been able to let it go. Maybe it was because she was just this adorable little lady, or because I was getting so much joy from being with these people. But when I was thinking about it later, I realized, what would it be like if all of our hearts were saying that all the time? What if all of our hearts were constantly eager and ready for whatever it is that God is asking of us at any given moment? Ahhhh! Our lives would be sooo different.

We’ve also been doing this consecration to Jesus through Mary, and so I’ve also been thinking that I bet that’s what Mary’s heart was constantly saying. She didn’t just wake up on the day that the angel Gabriel came to her and decide that she was going to say “yes” to God for that moment. Her heart must have been constantly eager and ready to respond to the Lord. Her heart must have been saying, “I will, I will, I will!” every day of her life up until that moment, and long afterwards. I hope and pray that my heart too will be constantly, and tirelessly eager to say yes to Jesus! Jesus, whatever you ask, I will!

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Losing Control

Lately, I have been reflecting on the idea of people out of control.  When I first think of it, I usually associate it with something bad.  Someone who is addicted and has lost themselves to their addiction, someone caught up in the heat of the moment, anger or another emotion taking control and surrounding all thought.  In these situations, the negative aspect is fairly obvious.  In fact, there might not be much positive that comes out of these experiences except maybe for the mistakes and the lessons that are learned from such mistakes.

Our society is strongly built on an idea of control.  Some of it is positive.  Nobody wants to lose themselves to an addiction.  Nobody wants to be labeled as out of control in a fight.  Being out of control is bad, in control is good.  But I wonder where this idea came from?  I wonder who made the first distinction that being in control is good.  Is it ingrained in us? Is it something that we are born into?  I don’t know where the idea came from but I DO know that every fiber in my bone screams at me to be in control.  My mind and brain goes crazy when I am slipping and am not firmly in touch with everything going on (this could be an international, national, local, physical, emotional, and psychological situation).  I have noticed that I am incredibly strong person.  NOT physically. But emotionally and mentally.  I have an amazing  and sustainable grip.  A grip on the strings of my life.  A grip that pretty much nothing has been able to get through.  A grip nothing can get OUT. . .

SO . . . what happens when all of a sudden I hear the message: LOSE CONTROL?  What happens when the environment and the people around me are NOT in control of their lives?  What happens when everything that I have known is suddenly not true?  Losing control is the GOAL . . .

WHOA. . . when I just said that, I got shivers. . . LOSING control is the GOAL. . .

This is speaking volumes to me right now.  I am tired.  I am getting tired of keeping my hands clenched tight on my life.  I have been holding up a thousand strings to every aspect of my life and have even been trying to hold up strings of other people.  So, I am tired. I am anxious when other people enter in my life because the minute they do I begin to pick up more strings that help me to control more.

BUT, I am here. . . and God is HERE.  And the message that I have been getting lately is to LOSE control.

LOSE CONTROL!!!!! (I am shouting this in my head)

What does this mean? This means that I gotta drop some strings . . . I have to drop ALL the strings. Here, we are constantly talking about giving up our lives to Christ.  Giving up everything and just laying it down at his feet.  I always understood what the message meant.  But I never felt what the message meant.  And I think it is an incredible message for me right now.  I am beginning to feel the idea of losing control of my life.  Something I don’t think that society understands.  Most people would not be able to understand this idea of just allowing God to take control.

mmmm . . . that’s it.   Those words feel great today: Allow God to take control.  That idea is . . . cool.  That idea . . . is very radical to society because it means becoming something that is unrecognizable to the world.  Someone that society might look at in disdain and label: out of control.  BUT, thats AWESOME!!!! I WANNA BE OUT OF CONTROL!!  I WANNA LOSE MY CONTROL TO LOVE HIM.  I WANT TO LOSE CONTROL OF MY FEELINGS FOR HIM.

I want him to control me . . . .

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Knocking with Confidence

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Matthew 7:7-8

God doesn’t give us desires that he doesn’t want to fulfill and he doesn’t make empty promises. So, why do I have such a hard time asking for things with confidence? The other day I was praying and found myself saying, “Lord please reveal your heart to me about this situation-if its your will.” Adding those four words makes all the difference. I know I’ve heard someone talk about this before but it just clicked with me. Basically, by saying “if its your will” I’m giving myself an out-an explanation in case my prayer seems later “unanswered.” Adding that to the end of my prayer doesn’t show that I care more about God’s will than my own-he won’t act against his own will and I don’t have to remind him not to-what it does reveal though is doubt that God will answer my prayer.

Praying that way is not praying with confidence; it’s doubting. God wants to give us good things, but he wants us to ask him for them. In a homily a few weeks ago, Fr. Roland spoke about how our Father wants us to be like little children calling out to him with our hands raised up saying “Abba, I need this. Abba, I need that. Abba, please help me.” He already knows what we need but he wants us to ask so that he can give us a gift.

“Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.”  Matthew 7:9-11

In our short month here so far, God has already proved this to us several times over. Sometimes I don’t even speak a desire aloud but simply think it and it’s answered. This morning, for example, I was asking the Lord to replace my heart with his Sacred Heart and to find a deeper intimacy with him. Next thing I know, at the end of Mass, we’re praying a litany to the Sacred Heart. God does this even in the smallest things; he really is a God of details. The three of us needed weekly planners to keep up with our schedule but we couldn’t find one. We looked in stores in a few different towns but didn’t come up with anything. Maybe a week later a man who works with the youth here had come over to the house to fix Danielle’s wardrobe. Before he left he handed me a weekly planner and said it was for Melanie. Then he said, “do you need more?” I told him that we did. Before we had received those though, we went to the bank to open accounts. After much paper work, leaving and coming back to sign more, we were at the homestretch of opening our accounts and the woman gives each of us a pocket weekly calendar. A few days later we received the other calendars as well. “The one who seeks finds” and it was way easier than we thought it’d be.

One other thing I’ve learned here was the idea that we should pray as though what we’re asking has already been given to us. For example: “Lord thank you for the ways you are going to work here tonight-thank you for the healing you want to work in my heart.” In this prayer, we pray with such faith that we go ahead and start thanking God for answering it. Knock, certain that the door will be opened for you.

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Saints and The Church

We had formation yesterday with Michelle to begin our study on St. Therese, the patron saint of missions. We began by talking about saints and how we are all called to be saints at our baptism. Then we began discussing the tools that St. Therese used to further her love and commitment to Christ through her twenty four years of life. These topics really struck me and gave me a completely knew perspective on saints and the Church.

Our deepest call as Christians is to be a saint. But what does that really mean? I often think that the term is used for people of the past and that I don’t really think of it as a modern day term but what about Pope John Paul II and Mother Theresa? Those are some modern day saints who truly understood that we are called to be Holy as Jesus is Holy. Today in formation, Michelle asked us where our heart is when we hear that we are called to be a saint. Give was the first word that came to my mind. I should be giving all I have to God and in return He will give me all I need in order to give my all to other people. “Love one another as I have loved you” John 15:12. God has filled me with His love and I should in return be showing that love to other people. In the past few days I have been receiving phone calls from friends who I have no talked to in a while but were really struggling with some things. I figured I could give them lots of words that will eventually fade or I could just show them Christ’s love to let them know that I care and so does God. I just have to be GIVING!

Not all of us will be canonized one day but we are still called to be saints. When we recognize His gifts and rely on Gods providence to supply us with our abilities to be saints, then we will have full capabilities of being one. Many times my emotions, weaknesses, and desires get in the way and that’s when I need to remember to “be little” as St. Therese so often resembled. By being little I am aware of who I am in God and letting God show His glory through me. The same glorious power that raised Jesus from the dead can work in us if we let it. We need to stop putting God in a box. God is a “both, and” God not an “either, or” God. He CAN do it ALL! We must remember to be little but that does not always mean to act little. We may be called to big things like spreading the gospel to remote villages in Africa or we may be called to spread the gospel to our kids. They are both big acts that require us to be little and let Gods glory show through no matter what. We are called to embrace are weaknesses and allow God to work through them instead of wallowing in them. Michelle says “No pity parties” or “I will Never”. A saint allows Gods glory to work through them, EVERYDAY!

Ephesians 1:18-21 “ So that, with the eyes of your heart enlightened, you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance among the saints.”

Then we began our discussion on the Church. The Church is the body of Christ on earth. We make up the body which therefore makes the church human but since it is also the spouse of the Holy Spirit, the church is mystical. We discussed how we felt about the Catholic church and what our responsibilities were to the church. My heart was completely opened to a new way of looking at the Catholic church as a Universal body of Christ and also as a more beautiful and mystical and spirit filled Church. We spoke about things we loved and some of our frustrations within the Church and we can list our frustrations all day but when it comes down to it, our church is where we receive Jesus, in the Eucharist, and where our soul is nourished. We are completely receiving all the gifts God longed for us to have in the Church so do the little frustrations lead to anything? We are broken human beings making up the body of the church, but because we recognize that it is led by Holy Spirit in line with the Trinity, we know that God can and will redeem and renew the brokenness. If a Church is having problems it is because it is not listening to God and allowing Him to work in it to reach out to people.

Wow these ideas completely opened my eyes and heart to a new love for the Catholic Church. A Protestant once said, “If the Catholic Church was not a movement of the Holy Spirit then I am not sure it could have survived 2000 years.” We need to recognize in our hearts that The Church is a way of life that we are called to live out daily. The Church is not a building, The church is not an obligation, being a part of the Church is a choice to except Christ, His Gifts, community, and the brokenness of humans with the knowledge that God will redeem it and give us all we need to prosper in faith.

Ephesians 2:19-22 “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are citizens with the saints and also members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets with Christ Jesus Himself as the cornerstone. In Him the whole structure is joined together and grows into a holy temple in the Lord; in whom you also are built together spiritually into a dwelling place for God.” Ah I love formation! God is so simple and yet complex. He always has something to teach us and ways to enlighten us so be open and listen to His desires for you! Rely on Him and the movement of the Holy Spirit to work in you 

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St. Therese “Being Little”

My whole life I have struggled with the concept of humility. What does it mean to be humble? In my mind, I always thought that being humble meant looking down upon myself; not sharing myself or my gifts with others because that would be considered prideful. Unfortunately, this misconception has fed so much into my mind that I thought being humble even meant not accepting God’s love and mercy because to accept His love and mercy would mean I was “worthy” of His love. And yet, after an amazing confession last week, I discovered that in a twisted way my definition of humility was rooted in pride. Crazy I know, but here it is: God loves us so much that He sent His only son into this world to save us from our sins. “Through the obedience of one, the many will be made righteous”, and this is what Jesus Christ has done for me. In my definition of humility, I am actually denying God’s  love and forgiveness. I am denying the life of Jesus Christ and not allowing His crucifixion and resurrection to redeem my life and bring me into full communion with my Father in heaven. I am basically saying to God, “Your Son is not enough for me.” WHAT?!?! Who am I to tell our creator that His love is not good enough for me? CRAZY I know…

In formation today we were discussing this idea of humility and “being little”. In the words of St. Therese, to be humble or to be little is to “know who you are in God” and to embrace this identity! Why is this such a difficult task for me to grasp? Satan has had me twisted these last few weeks into believing that even though Christ can allow prostitutes and tax collectors into heaven, for some reason I am the exception. What a place of pride this idea comes from! This is my mind process, “Well I know that God loves all His creation and wants to bring them into His eternal home of heaven, but if only He knew what I have done; if only He knew who I really was.” Um… hello! He DOES know who I am. He knows every thought that goes through my mind. He knows my aches, my pains, my weaknesses, and yet He still loves me this much! “Lord, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark with all my ways you are familiar; Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord, you know it all….. You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. My very self you knew; my bones were not hidden from you.” (Psalm 139). What an intimate and deep love the Father has for me. It almost brings me to tears because day after day, minute after minute, my Father keeps calling me to Him. He so desires to love me and let me know how beautiful and glorious I am in His eyes, and yet I continue to struggle with accepting His love. I pray that I may really start to understand and more deeply embrace my identity as His daughter and just rest in His embrace. I want to be little in God, to look at myself through the eyes of my beloved, and to really let God’s glory shine through me.

God’s love demands a response. Will I respond to His love? Will I live the life I desire in the depths of my soul by embracing my identity as His beloved daughter? Slowly but surely I am doing this. Slowly God is revealing me how to be His daughter, and as I continue to live more into this identity, my soul is more fulfilled, my heart is being poured into with more love and passion, and my life has meaning because I am living the way my creator has designed for me to live: a life of the beloved, of being HIS beloved.

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