The trilogy of Joshua Harris’s books on relationships takes its most important step into the nitty-gritty combat between holy sexuality and its distorted version called “lust”. The honesty, depth, practical knowledge and advice contained in this book has amazing potential to lead men and women to true Christian holiness and purity.
Story: The story of this book is as real as you will admit lust’s control in your life. It is written to both men and women, young and not-so-young. It is a book rooted in the saving Gospel of Jesus Christ with practical ways to begin, by the grace of God, to rid your relationships of lust.
 There are many positive messages in this book. I appreciate the title of this book and the first chapter that goes straight to the heart of the issue: sex is not the problem, lust is. God designed sex and He designed the sex drive to be powerful cement between a man and a woman. Sex is good, not filthy, dirty, or something to be ashamed of in your heart. With that as the first basis, he goes on to list a series of good things about sex that still is not lustful, which is incredibly helpful for people who mistake temptation or desire for sin.
Furthermore, the chapters of Part Two are all about forgetting the wishful thinking about purity that so many of us mistake for actually striving for it, and sets us about attaining the goal. Joshua tells the reader to create a custom-tailored plan for purity in your life, what your personal lust triggers are, and how to foster a God-centered approach to conquering sexual sin. He gives men and women straightforward advice about how each gender drifts towards lust in their own ways. One of the most surprising insights that he makes is how women’s physical lusts are virtually unrecognized while men are just assumed to be sexual “monsters.” I think the most important contribution to this section is relating how men often want sex for the pleasure whereas women want it for the power and control. However lust is expressed, be it in the same ways (like pornography) or completely different, be it socially acceptable (checking guys out) or socially rejected, lust is always evil.
Harris also confronts the dreaded “M” word- masturbation- in an exceedingly great chapter entitled “Self-Centered Sex.” To devout Catholics the whole opening of this chapter seems odd because the Church has always taught masturbation to be intrinsically evil, but apparently in Protestant churches there is great disagreement, though he sides with us on the issue. Harris moves beyond the biochemical and straight to the pathological: we masturbate because it destroys our hearts, turning human sexuality inward. If this is an area you struggle with, and many people do, then you need to read this section.
Though there are many great things in this book, I would like to conclude on two final points. First, you cannot achieve purity on your own, for “a lone ranger is a dead ranger.” You need someone who will not only listen to your ‘confession’, but also hold you to the truth about God’s plan for your sexuality and to follow up with you as the week progresses. Second, you cannot conquer sin if you only focus on hating your sin, you need to replace it with something better. If you find you are becoming overwhelmed by temptations after you have been pure for a while, it is because these demons are coming back with friends because your heart is “swept clean” but still empty. The memorization, study, and prayerful meditation on key Scripture verses will fill you up with holy thoughts, words and deeds.
Pro-Social Content: The key selling point of this book is that it is for both men and women and it deals with sex without getting graphic. The last thing anyone needs is to get aroused trying to be pure!
Objectionable Content: Joshua Harris is a committed Protestant. As such, his understanding of “justification” and “sanctification”, while similar to the Catholic view, differs considerably. Where most Protestants distinguish being saved from becoming holy, Catholics see both as a continuum of God’s grace in our lives. However, forgiveness and repentance, growth in holiness and virtue are all rooted in the same cross of Jesus Christ that freed us. Catholics in no way believe we ‘earned’ this freedom in Christ, nor do we believe that we ‘earn’ our way into heaven. His grace is enough, but Catholics believe that grace penetrates our existence and not just covers it. Another error is more so rooted in carelessness than anything else. He says, “So in a sense, masturbation is natural.” This is not true. What is natural is good, created by God and ordained to man’s perfection. Sex is natural, but it has a time and place for its fitting engagement, whereas masturbation does not. Masturbation is common, not natural. It’s a simple, but important, point.
Summary: This book is for the battle-weary believer whose past of failed attempts at purity has filled him or her with shame, guilt and despair. Harris says it dramatically when he tells us before we can go anywhere with God we must first despair of ourselves. Once we realize we cannot save ourselves, we can throw our hearts on the throne of mercy. Beautiful.
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