Life Teen's Matt Smith interviews Catholic youth minister Matt Fradd about his new website to help people with porn addictions: WhoDoesItHurt.com Matt Smith: Good afternoon Matt Fradd. How's it going? Matt Fradd: Doing well, just chillin in the great state of Delaware for another week before I get to attend my sister in laws wedding in the Dominican Republic! ….anyone old enough to remember Waynes World? Hi, I'm in Delaware... MS: I love Delaware. Cool. It's good to have you for an interview. What's your connection to Life Teen?  MF: Well I'm originally from Australia and I started up the first Life Teen parish in Brisbane, Queensland. That was fun, had to adjust a lot of the American lingo and terms, but it was a real blessing to the parish. My wife and I work for NET Ministries of Ireland and through this ministry we implemented the first Life Teen parish in Ireland!.....hmmm Is there NET in Korea yet? (laughs) MS: Maybe someday, God willing. Let's talk about your website. There's a lot of buzz, What is WhoDoesItHurt.com?  MF: whodoesithurt.com is a brand new website which we created. It's an awesome website that addresses the problem of pornography and gives practical guidance, support and encouragement on how to break free from it into the much more interesting world of purity and freedom! at whodoesithurt.com you'll find monthly articles, videocasts, an ever growing audio library of free talks, practical steps towards healing, saint quotes, and an incredible online community of men known as “The Brotherhood.” Currently we have around 300 men from all over the world who are apart of the brotherhood. They offer support, prayers and encouragement for each other...there's so much more, you'll just have to go see for yourself. MS: A key part of your website seems to be that porn hurts everybody. A lot of people would argue that porn is not that big of a deal. MF: I was first introduced to porn at the age of 9 and remained hooked on the stuff all throughout my teenage years. I used all of the excuses about how it's harmless and fine in moderation. If I was ever challenged by anyone I'd get defensive and say hey, who does it hurt! The reality is however that Porn emasculates men, robbing them of their strength and manliness, instead of denying themselves for the sake of the woman, a man forsakes the dignity of the woman for the sake of his lust. Porn degrades women. It reduces the beauty and mystery of femininity to a collection of body parts. And porn flat out destroys marriages. It's not just enough however, to educate people, you have to give them compassion and guidance. In my experience of talking to hundreds and hundreds of men is--and I don't mean to imply that women do not also struggle with porn--that most guys don't want to be the types of men that the porn is turning them into. They don't want to be boyfriends, husbands and fathers who sneak around objectifying women and paying women money so they'll pretend to like him. Most men I've encountered want to fight for the dignity of women and embrace authentic masculinity, they just need to be encouraged and supported. MS: What are some practical ways for teens to stay away from porn? MF: At www.whodoesithurt.com, we give 10 practical steps towards healing that I'd encourage all you to look up but just briefly I'd say this. First, if you have been involved with this stuff, get to confession, there is real powerful grace that flows from the sacrament! Even when we don't 'feel' nice consolations, the sacrament is more powerful than we could possibly understand. Second, know the battle field! Most teens I know, have a computer in there room! This can be the equivalent to an alcoholic having several liqueur stores in his basement that he's free to take from whenever he chooses. Manful decisions have to be made, move your computer out of your room! It would be a better thing for you never to have a computer in your room than to go to Hell with unrestricted Internet access! Third, Get some accountability. On my site there are links to x3watch which is a free accountability software program which is downloaded right to your computer. If you go to an inappropriate site, your accountability partners get an email. Just don't pick a partner who themselves is struggling or would be tempted.....perhaps your grandma. Fourth, become a man or woman of prayer! I take up the daily rosary and when I'm done I hold the Rosary up in my hands and say, "Mother I've taken up your chain, take of my chains of lust!" Now when it comes to the Rosary and prayer in general, I used to say “I just don't have time” but the truth was that I did have the time, I just didn't have the love. The reality is you and I always find time for that which he love. Coffee, Movies, 10 minute showers, music, sport. I'd Also highly encourage fasting! If you cannot say no to that next coffee, that next slice of pizza. How will you ever say no to porn? Prayer without fasting is like boxing with one hand tied behind your back so make the decision to fast, and stick to it. I'd recommend by starting one day a week and giving up a particular food, or TV, or Internet. If we learn to be faithful in small matters we will learn be faithful in more serious matters. Finally I'd say, patient perseverance! Freedom from pornography and masturbation IS possible! But there is no magical cure. It is a daily battle. Remember purity is not a destination, you wont ever "arrive" at purity. As Christians, our destination is Heaven, and purity is the fuel that's going to help us get there. The Lord loves you and does not grow tired of forgiving you! His mercy does not run out, his mercy is a free gift, you just need to have the humility to call upon it. MS: What advice would you give a teen whose boyfriend or girlfriend is into porn? The same advice I'd give my 4 month old daughter in 16 years from now. Break it off! God is not calling you to be the 'chastity' coach for your boyfriend or girlfriend. Pornography trains the viewer to see the opposite sex as a target rather than a treasure, a sexual conquest rather than a son or daughter of God with immeasurable dignity. Your boyfriend or girlfriend may deny this, they may not want to use you but the reality is we are called to save our bodies for marriage. And your eyes are part of that body. MS: ...a lot of wisdom in your words. Anything else you'd like to share with our readers? MF: Just know that a lot of people are praying for you. It's challenging to live a life of chastity, but it's worth it. If you need some help along the way, visit the website: WhoDoesItHurt.com