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Q: Is it true that its okay to have sex if the guy doesn't ejaculate??
My sister in Christ, this is an important question you have asked, so I will answer it as truthfully and tastefully as I can.NO.Now, I know that might not be the answer you wanted to hear, but it is the truth. Your question has become a hot question lately because of the kind of culture we live in. The reality, though, is that this question shows a bigger problem today, that we have tried to find every loophole possible to abuse and use our sexuality and take God out of the picture. But use is not purpose. God gives us our sexuality and sexual organs with the PURPOSE in mind, not "use".Don't fall into the trap of word games that others try to play or sin that others spinWhat is the will of God concerning sexuality (and life, in general)?"This is the will of God, your holiness: that you refrain from immorality" - 1 Thes. 4:3I know you might be in a relationship right now and you might even feel you are in love, but the reality is that whoever told you "sex is okay as long as..." doesn't know what sex really is and is trying to justify their own sin.But......do not share in another's sins. Keep yourself pure. 1 Tim. 5:22I know what I'm about to write and tell you won't make me popular. The truth is, it isn't just my truth that I live by, it is God's truth. I'm just the messenger. And do you know what will happen to me the minute I write it? A bunch of people who don't like God's truth will lash out at me. But I have no choice - the truth is not always easy (Jer. 20:9). The truth, like love, hurts sometimes. The sooner those who struggle with God's truth embrace the truth about suffering, the sooner they will know true joy. So, take what I'm saying here with a spirit of love, true love...the kind of love that cares more about your soul than your body, the kind of love that wants to see you in Heaven someday, not the kind of earthly "love" (more like "like") that will lead you to Hell.Why isn't it okay to have sex outside of a sacramental (man and woman in a covenant relationship with God) marriage? If I had more time we would talk about The Theology of the Body (which i encourage you to read about as soon as you can) - but in the interest of time, let's go back to your original question...and then re-state it:"But, is it really sex if he doesn't ejaculate?" you might think.Yes, it is. Sex is more than climax. Sexual relations, regardless of climax, are still sex...that includes oral sex, heavy petting, mutual masturbation, etc.Don't fall into the trap of word games that others try to play or sin that others spin. St. Paul warned us, "A time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine, but following their own desires...will stop listening to the truth and will be diverted by myths. You must be self-possessed in all circumstances. Put up with hardship" - 2 Tim 4:3-6"But, if you love someone and aren't actually climaxing, why is it wrong? you might ask.Basically, sex is a language...a forever language. When you enter into that language in a non-forever relationship (anything other than sacramental marriage) you are using God's forever language in a "for now" way. Even if you don't climax, the language is still being used, and things still communicatedHonestly, I know this isn't a popular answer. I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear. I don't want to sound prude, but I care far too much about you and your soul to sugar coat anything. I won't play word games, as others obviously have in your life.Here is the reality:Premarital sex is a sin...and "sin is death". (Rom. 6:23).BUT, sex is NOT a sin because it is "bad", but because it is so good...so good that it is reserved for a man and a woman who forever pledge their love to one another in the sacrament of matrimony.You see, God believes so much in the sanctity (sacred-ness) of sex that the Church defends it. Sex is not only about the action, the emotion, the climax, etc. Sex is a sacred language. If you would like to read more about what God has to say about sexuality and chastity, check out the Bible Study I did on it a while back.When someone uses sex only for pleasure, they are using for self. When someone uses sex only for the pleasure of another, they are still using it for self. An example: if a woman offers sex to a man so that he will love her more, it is still not a selfless act. When we toy around with our sexuality. We people use pornography, grow addicted to masturbation, engage in oral sex, are overly physical or passionately kiss one another in a way that leads to arousal, when they have premarital sex or sex outside of marriage, etc. - they have lost something that is intrinsic to God and to sex...its spirit of self-sacrifice. Sex is not something to use solely for pleasure. Sex is about the unitive between a couple, absolutely, but also about the procreative - an openness to bringing life. That is why contraception is also a sin. It eliminates God from the equation and closes off the couple to life."Refrain from every kind of evil" - 1 Thes 5:22Sex is not about an act or climax. If it were, masturbation, beastiality, same-sex relationships, etc. would, in essence, be dismissed as "expressions of the act". Sex is about sacrifice. Sex is about authentic love. Sex is about God.And without God, sex is sinful because it is guided and directed back to self.With God, sex is the most beautiful, sacrificial, Sacramental act that two people can enter into, second only to prayer.You are loved perfectly by God (1 John 4:19). Do yourself, your prospective partner, you future husband (if you are called to marriage) and your friends a favor...have the courage to safeguard your chastity and protect your sexuality from the selfish and sinful assaults of others.And if you have made a mistake, run to Reconciliation and start over.God loves you and believes in you...and so do I.Be God's in all that you do.
Youth Ministers, did you know you can plan your 2010-2011 youth ministry programming in less than a week? Join us at Covecrest
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